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The Two-Part Solution

Updated: Jan 29, 2018

The #MeToo campaign is only half the battle.

A few years ago I embarked on my own internal Renaissance, a mid-life crisis, if you will... much before the middle of my life. But as the months have passed I find myself wondering if maybe this incredible pull for change isn't coming from within me. Maybe our whole world is changing and that's the real pull- we are changing the way we see women, the way we raise children, the way we explain sex and consent (love, lust and all of the yesses). This is a time of incredible transformation.

The movement of calling out sexual harassment as it becomes visible (to ourselves, for it has been hidden in "compliments", perseverance, etc), of understanding what it actually is, and of empowering "victims" to feel heard and supported, seems to be flowing with beautiful momentum. Mind you, I say "victims" because I feel that the word itself takes away power. An event doesn't change that someone is strong, fierce and worthy. Thank you to the heroes, to the followers and to the listeners. But regardless of the #Metoo movement, of the blatant understanding that we all have stories with varying degrees of assault, this is only part of the solution. To truly solve any trauma- any disease- we must start with being able to identify it, and finish with becoming and sharing the cure.

I am more than the sum of my experiences. I am powerful. I am important. I am worthy. I am more than a victim, a survivor; I am a force of transcendental change.

The Unicorn Haven Project

I theorize that becoming the cure starts with talking about sex and consent. It starts with opening up about the blinding light that comes as contrast to the darkness of assault. Our deepest, most erotic fantasies are the sexiest parts of us. Why is it that the word "sexy" feels so simplistic and commercial? Teaching and embodying consent starts with taking a good, open, accepting look at those sides of our minds that set our souls on fire. The parts that make you vigorously understand consent and its very definite sexiness.

Nancy Friday started a project close to 80 years ago that she called "My Secret Garden". This compilation of anonymously shared sexual fantasies was meant to give women a voice as sexual beings, to change the notion that women did not enjoy sexuality, and gave the start to the real sexual empowerment movement. That project was and continues to be eye-opening, beautiful, erotic and spectacular.

Join me in becoming a voice for a new age of sexual empowerment. Share your unapologetic, unexamined, unrestricted fantasies with me and we can be part of the movement that transforms the way our society views consent and expectations. Let's create a safe place for fantasies.

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