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Victims of Ourselves

Lately I have had an overwhelming desire to do more, fit more in, grow, evolve, TRANSCEND. I have always been of the understanding that hard work reaps big rewards but what, exactly does that look like? Am I capable of amazing things while maintaining a balance in my emotional life? And does that mean I am giving it all I have?

An amazing soul I met at my Sexology conference last month recently shared a meme that said "Just your friendly reminder that working hard does not mean working to the point of a mental breakdown". I laughed to myself that we do, at times (like now), need these reminders. We are surrounded by motivational music, speeches and posts. We have someone on our feeds talking about their "hustle", someone else talking about "lane chasers" and someone talking about how emotion has no place in business.

It has to make sense for the business, she says. It will hurt you emotionally but you've gotta keep your emotions out of it. Baby girl, you've got it all wrong. If you gave birth to this business, it will never become an industry without your entire soul in it. You don't get to dissect out the parts of you that make you whole- the parts that make your eyes set fire. Your passion, your sorrow and your breath make your business what it is. Someone somewhere was hurt and put up walls that divided themselves from all of the other, some trying to work just as hard. We are not humans lined up for turns to take the ladder to the top, this is a giant wall, as wide as you can see (like those on acid tripping eyes that keep going forever) with human using their very last breaths to climb. You can use yours to spit down, or sideways or up (an no one taught you hour to spit up in the air and move quickly before it falls on you), but you can certain keep it in your mouth where you will surely need the moisture. I'd rather use my very last breath for grunting and shouting and woo-hooing at Sean from the gym who yells out loud and we laugh but it fucking works and we burn stereotypes and muscle in tandem. This is not a place where you rip out your heart and leave it on the the ground, this is where every last drop of blood is needed.

I lurch on the treadmill in resistance training mode and this song comes on that reminds me

"This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name"

Never a mention of others getting in my way, or wanting to hold us down- I cannot be held down by soul but only by physical body- so why in the fuck should I take my soul OUT?

Let this be your friendly reminder that no one is trying to hold you down except yourself. that literal studies have been done that have to do with self-handicapping and how we purposefully do damaging things so we have an excuse for our failures. We are in charge of what we do- we are in charge of what we soak in. I hope you have your whole heart in it- because anything worth doing is going to need it.

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