There's a video going around that features some young approachable-cute guy giving his tips on how to have style. He posts pictures of different outfits that he wears, all approachable-cute. He talks in accurate language about how you are part of an "experience" and being aware of every way in which you present yourself to someone new. Overall, I read his message and I love the idea of being holistic when wanting to be seen.
But something stands out to me. "Invest in high end cologne and perfume". It's like nails on a chalkboard. Let's put aside that the amount of toxic, carcinogenic chemicals in perfumes have been warned against again and again. And the fact that we no longer have need for that type of cover-up - we are able to maintain general sanitary guidelines and have (thankfully) an complex underground sewer system that keeps our noses from being offended. Your nose knows.
Do you know that, if you let it, your nose can tell you who will be a good partner for you? The magic of pheromones is not just that they turn you on. In fact, a lot of times, they don't. The way smells make you perceive people is a sure-fire sign that your body and their body have balancing chemistry. You snuggle up next to your date while at the movies and their neck smells warm. It smells like vanilla and champagne and late night kisses and hot cups of coffee in the morning. And that smell changes the way your body feels. You feel a knot in your stomach, your breathing becomes slow and heavy. Then they graze your hand and it's electric. Your nose sets the whole train in motion. Alternatively, when you get close to someone and they smell strange- don't ignore it. They are not going to smell any less strange after a sleepless night or a day at the beach.
The truth is, we have become less and less able to discern if someone is a good match for us or not. And maybe it's not because we are just broken and co-dependent and settling for anyone that wants to cut themselves into the perfect shape for your puzzle-piece romance. Perfume is a culprit.
Hormonal and other medications also change the air we are giving off. We wonder why the divorce rate is so high but we meet people when we are on the pill and tricking our bodies into thinking that we are already pregnant.
We are not just bags of hormones going around but the very first thing we look for when we meet someone is that energy. What if that energy is fake? Fake pheromones crated by fake smells that do the exact opposite of attracting you the right spouse. What if your birth control pill and his anxiety medication really, really, really want to get you naked- but one year later his episodes are under control and you want to have a baby and now you decide that the only reason the sex is bad is because it's on a schedule. It's not.
So when you are learning someone, take note that the sweat of your partner should smell like marathon sex and make out sessions. And make you crave more of that (even if you are choosing not to have that just yet- or ever). When you kiss someone, breathe them I'm. Breathe them in after a protein shake, after a night of multiple bottles of Pinot, and after a blooming onion. You are not made of winter fresh, Ralph Lauren Sport and Tide. You are messy, musty, wet and gorgeous. Let that sink in.
Think this article stinks? I want to hear from you!